Once I had a friend
by TheEternalSinner
Summary: I said I forgave you, that it was okay. But deep within, I couldn't handle it back then. I'm so sorry...Shizuru, for what I have turned you into" A few years after the hime star Natsuki finds herself dealing with her mistakes she made back then. Shiznat
1. Prologue

"No" The cobalt-haired woman whispered "No, no not her" She now said loud as she kneeled beside the lifeless body of the red haired girl. Tears began forming in her eyes as she examined the body, and found what she was dreading for. A small crimson red card with a purple snake painted on it was placed on the body of the girl.

"Of course" Natsuki murmured "Of course it's always that damn killer" this had been his 17th victim in 2 months. She slammed her fist into the floor. Killing all these young girls didn't have any profit for him at all, oh if they could just find a trace, even the tiniest clue… But no always that damn card and nothing more. He was just mocking them. She had became a agent 5 years ago, and 2 year ago she had been promoted to a special agent. The ones who took care of the more… "Extreme" cases…in secret of course.

Looking at her old friend, tears started to flow again. "Mai" she whispered "I'm so sorry, if I only had been a little quicker" The last time they had seen each other had ended in a fight…. And that had been over 10 years now…

Suddenly there was a soft noise, something that Natsuki could only define as… a giggle? She quickly turned around, and was astounded with what she saw. There, in the back of the dark room leaning against the wall. Was the girl Natsuki had dreaded to meet again for the past 10 years. Standing in a position that Natsuki could only call… alluring? Her arms where crossed over her chest, leaning back against the wall, her chestnut colored hair slightly longer now, hanging loosely over her shoulders, and clad in a tight black dress decorated with purple. And then there were those eyes, god Natsuki had always loved those blood red crimson orbs, who were staring at her fiercely. Natsuki almost immediately forgot the world around her as their eyes locked.

"Shizuru""

"Ah, it seems Natsuki does not appreciate my work" she spoke in the fluent, soothing voice that Natsuki had came to love. She looked even more breath taking than last time Natsuki had seen her. And even now, after she had more than 10 years of thinking what to say, she found herself speechless as usual, as like they had never parted before. But still there was something different about the chestnut haired girl… No, woman before Natsuki's eyes. There was something cold in her eyes, something… distant. Like she lost a little of herself. "Did you miss me, Natsuki?" she spore in a bewitching voice "Or… did you perhaps forgot all about me?" She continued "It certainly seemed like you wanted that the last time we properly met" Her tone now started to become a little icy.

"Of course not!" Natsuki almost yelled, immediately wondering why she reacted so intense. " Of course I didn't want to forget about you… it's just… I…back then…" she was at a loss of words.

"Yes? What is Natsuki trying to tell me?" Shizuru whispered as she started to cross the room. "Perhaps it is a long time ago you have thought about me" she now had reached Natsuki, and kneeled down in front of her "Did you miss me?" she repeated in a much softer almost desperate voice, she moved her hand up to Natsuki's cheek before hesitantly touching her.

Natsuki quickly felt her conscious slip away as the memories she had buried deep inside came crashing back to her.


	2. How it used to be

**Chapter 2 - How it used to be**

There was a single bird in the sky, it was flying like it was master of it. Soaring with great speed through the air. Almost slicing it in the process. And perhaps, this evening already, it would be killed by a cat or maybe a car. But, just for this small moment, it owed the sky.

I sighed as I watched the bird soar away. I grabbed my lunch from my bag and started to eat. I used to wish I could do the same, to fly away from my life of misery. But that was then, my life had been much better since the events of the Hime star. Okay, it was a little dull at times, full of school and homework, but I was rather happy with it.

"Natsuki"

I turned around as I heard my name. And was rewarded with quite a funny sight. Mai was trying to get to me, but was slowed down a lot by a whining Mikoto who had clamped herself around Mai's left leg, grumbling something that sounded suspiciously much like "Feed me, please"

As I watched Mai struggle to get closer to me I couldn't suppress a smile "Hard isn't it? Walking" I said when they finally reached me. "Yeah, you try walking with a boulder attached to your leg" She grunted "Oh for god's sake, Mikoto Let go! I'll feed you, that's why we're here in the first place" she yelled at Mikoto, while taking out a lunch box and sat down next to me.

"Natsuki? Would you like to stay over at my place tonight? Mai said as she and Mikoto started eating their lunch(I had already finished mine) "I got that new movie that you wanted to see so badly" She added between bites. I smiled, this was what I meant when I said my life had become better. I had friends now. Friends who enjoyed spending time with me. "Of course Mai, as long as your little friend over there won't devour me when I sleep" Mai grinned " That won't happen, I'll be your personal guard. Oh, and also, I need your help with this math thing they gave us today, its Latin to me"

Another great thing about my 'new' life, I didn't have to repeat a year(although they did make me go to summer school the whole vacation) So now I was in the same class as Mai and Yukino, and much to my dismay Aoi and Chie, who wouldn't stop taking pictures of me every time I did something slightly interesting. And now that I actually attended class, instead of driving around all the times looking for clues about my mother, I turned out to be rather good at it, especially math. "Hmm, I never imaged anyone to ask for my help on school matters" I teased her. Which led to Mai giving me a sour looking expression I laughed as I heard the school bell, signaling the end of the break.

Yes, life couldn't be any better for me at the moment. Relaxed, fun, not alone anymore. I didn't even care it was a little dull sometimes. It seemed perfect for me. There was just one little thing nagging deep within my mind. So deep I barely noticed it at the time, or perhaps I didn't want to notice it back then. Because I didn't want to be disturbed from my peaceful slumber. But somewhere deep inside my mind, I couldn't ignore it completely.

"Shizuru"

I hadn't been treating her exactly how I should, or rather not been treating her at all. Since I barley saw and spoke to her at all. I wasn't that I didn't have the chance, because even though she went to university last year, she was still at my school almost every day. Because she simply had refused to quit being the kaichou. And after she had convinced the school board that she was still up to the task, they had let her stay.

And that was where my guilt kicked in. It had been almost 3 months since school started and I hadn't visited her in the student council room once… I just couldn't bring myself to. I kept telling myself it was because I didn't have a purpose anymore to go there, and that it had nothing to do with her. But deep within I think I knew better.

The few times that I in fact did meet her, in the hallway or around the school, I got really uncomfortable, and tried to end the already brief conversation as quick as possible. I know I said I had forgiven her, and that is was okay, but I still was scared. I just wasn't ready to handle such pressure. Both her feelings for me and the things she had done in the past scared me to death, perhaps the first one even more than the second.

But for now I just pushed away the guilt I felt, and pretended not to see the pain behind her smile that increased every time I saw her.

"Natsuki" I heard my name being whispered gently, but as I was looking around to see who was the owner of the voice, the world around me quickly began to fade away.

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Natsuki's eyes shot open as her conscious returned. And the fresh memory of her long forgotten school moments where fading again. Trying to remember what happened she looked around. As far as she could see she was in a huge room, filled with old fashioned furniture, especially the old Japanese style. With in the middle a huge queen sized bed, in which she was currently lying in, tucked underneath a pile of blankets.

As she got up she tried to remember how she got here, it suddenly came back to her. Mai was killed. Her best friend from so many years ago was gone, and part of it was her fault, tears started to form in her eyes.

And then the rest came back.

"Shizuru" she gasped under her breath. Why did she suddenly appear in that room. It was obvious she had to do something to do with Mai's death. What had she said again? Something about Natsuki not being happy with her work… Suddenly her eyes got wider in horror. "No…" She whispered "That just couldn't be true" Shizuru wouldn't do such a thing, would she? She shivered at the thought, A little voice in her head told her Shizuru didn't have much trouble with killing, at least she never had before…

Suddenly she heard a noise, looking up she was shocked with what she saw. The door was almost completely open now and a very attractive looking Shizuru was leaning against the doorpost. Who was looking at her with a inner turmoil visible all over her face, and especially in her eyes. But as soon as she noticed that she was being watched, her face went back into the smile that was oh so familiar to Natsuki.

"Ara, it seems you have awoken… did you have a nice sleep? It must have been, because you were sleeping so deeply that you didn't even feel it when I 'touched' you" Natsuki shivered, she didn't like it one bit how Shizuru said the word 'Touched'

Shizuru made her way to the bed Natsuki was lying in. Making Natsuki tense up. As she reached the bed Natsuki couldn't take it anymore. "Shizuru, what is going on, what did you do to me!" She yelled at her "Tell me!" She nearly jumped out of the bed. But Shizuru simply sat down on the bed, closing her eyes, as if thinking what to say, and then slightly brushed Natsuki's hand with one of her own.

"My dear Natsuki, we have been parted for so long. Let's take it slowly for now and rest a little, there will be plenty of time to talk"

And with that, she stood up, and simply walked out of the room, leaving Natsuki alone with her thoughts.

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After Note: Now tell me what do you think….Do I have a little talent? Or should I go back to a "Read only" Fanfiction fan…. If that is understandable a understandable sentence...

Also… Help with the plot ending is also very welcome… I have only thought out 2 or 3 more chapters for now….^.^; beginners mistakeXD

And…. Don't expect an M-rated, Yuri, lemon, smut shiznat chapter….As much as I would like to write it… I don't think I can't pull that off…. Yet….AND I want my younger sister to read this…. And then she would think I am a pervert :P she's 12 you know…. Any form of Lemon is evil at that age…

Have fun reading an leave a review^^


	3. Natsuki my love, I wish I never met you

Chapter 3 - Natsuki my Love, I wish you were never born.

Shizuru sighed as she started to drink her second cup of tea. As much as she hated to admit it, she was growing a little inpatient. She knew that there was nothing that could go wrong, it had all been planned out. She had made sure all the doors, except Natsuki 's bedroom door and the doors that let to this room, where locked. So whatever Natsuki was planning to do, she would always end up in this very room Shizuru was sitting in.

Except, it seemed like Natsuki wasn't planning anything at all at the moment. Shizuru had been sitting her for ,well counted, 27 minutes. And the urge to just run up the stairs and drag Natsuki down herself was becoming nearly unbearable now. But no, that wouldn't be graceful and defiantly not as much fun as to force Natsuki to come down herself. If she was ever going to, that is.

Shizuru felt like groaning, what was she trying to do up there? Starving herself to death? Escaping through the window?(that was impossible, Shizuru had tried herself and almost died in the progress) Maybe she fell asleep again? The girl had been sleeping the whole night and day, the sun was already setting. Apparently Natsuki hadn't been taking their fateful encounter very lightly.

But, it had been hard for Shizuru as well, it had been quite the shock for her to be able to touch and speak to her. Even though she was the one who had planned it all. Yes, she had been the one who had taken Mai's life, and those of all the other nameless girls. And she hadn't been doing it in a very nice way either. But the sacrifice had to me made, it had been worth it all. Because now, she was with Natsuki again.

"Yes, Natsuki" she whispered to the empty room. "That's how devoted I am to you, why don't you just accept it" She grinned and added "Or else all the people you care about will end up like Mai did" God she had always hated that red headed girl. Ever since the carnival the girl had been extremely close to _her_ Natsuki. Everything she used to tell Shizuru was now said to Mai. She hated it, and Mai had been so over friendly to her as well, It sickened her. Natsuki belonged to Shizuru, and no one else. Who thought the girl she was, taking over all of Shizuru responsibilities.

She smiled as she took a sip of her tea, and her mind wandered off to those precious old times.

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"No I'm sorry I can't" Natsuki mumbled to me "I promised Mai to watch a movie together tonight" She added quickly, as the was staring at the ground " Ah" I hear myself saying "then would Natsuki like to stop by another time? I have some wonderful ideas about the new school year, I would like to show them you first" Natsuki looked up for a moment, her eyes meeting mine. "_Natsuki" _it drummed through my head. "Yeah I'll see okay? I am a little busy these days" Natsuki mumbled as she started to stare at the floor again.

That meant no in Natsuki language, which I spoke fluently now. "Ara, of course. I'll wait for a call then" I said to her as I was trying to keep my "Mask" intact. "And may I ask what Natsuki finds so interesting about the floor? She has been inspecting it very intensely for a while now" I still couldn't help to tease now and then. Natsuki's head shot back up again, and her face turned into a shade of pink. "Eeuuh, Nothing!" She blurted out "It was nothing okay?" She added in a now more stable voice now. The bell rang. "Listen Sh- shizuru, I should go now, I promised Mai we would lunch together. So I'll see you around" She said and almost ran past me to the nearest door.

People where walking all around me, looking at me, some even greeting me. But I barely noticed them, the only thing I was aware of was my heart breaking down further. It hadn't been completely torn apart. That would still take a while, but Natsuki was doing a fine job. She could have broken it in a single strike, by telling me she didn't want to see me anymore. Then it would have been be over at once. But no, she was far too cruel for that. Instead she did it slowly, by making me long to see her and speak to her. But always denied me that. Or even more cruel, making me taste it and then taking it away. "Oh, Natsuki, why… I thought you had forgiven me, you said it yourself. Did you lie to me? To prevent me from harming you?

_Natsuki. Natsuki I love you. _ That was the only thought drumming through my head.

I stood alone in the hallway now. This was how it always went these days. She would made up a silly excuse and left me alone with myself. It wasn't fair. Why was that redhead allowed to spend so much time with Natsuki. while I had been the one who saved Natsuki countless times. Who was there for her when she was alone. Who made sure there was nothing that would discomfort Natsuki in any way. And still Natsuki had turned to Mai. I hated that girl so much for that. I slowly went back to the student council room.

And then there was Nao, the one who tortured Natsuki, who tried to _kill_ her. And still I saw Natsuki often spending time with her. They weren't exactly best friends. But still, she was spending more time with that annoying spider girl than with me. Who had_ protected_ her from getting killed by Nao.

Now, any sane human would just drop this friendship and get on with their lives, get really angry about it, or at lease do something about it. But I couldn't. The first moment I had laid my eyes upon Natsuki was the moment I realized my life had been over.

She hadn't even know who I was then . But for me, the world started to turn just for her. Something must have snapped in me back then. But after that one little short moment, the endless drumming inside my head had begun. And it had never stopped since.

_Natsuki. Natsuki, I love you._

At first it had been bearable, just a small annoyance inside my head. But slowly it was becoming hard not to think about her. And then the urge to see her was becoming stronger and stronger. Until the point I stood up earlier each morning because I knew that _if_ Natsuki decided to attend school, she came very early because had her secret "matters" to take care off. And I stayed until the last class because I knew Natsuki usual had detention or other things to take care off. And would usual hang around the school until dusk. And I did that all just to have her walk past me without even noticing me standing there.

I think it was around then that I realized I had fallen in love with her.

That had been quite the shock for me. That girl had ripped me away from my perfect little life without even noticing it herself. It had been so perfect for me. I was one of the best, if not the best, students in my class. And I was very popular, so much that it had actually owned me a fan club. Which, although it annoyed me to no end, always made me feel better about myself. They'd do anything for me. Which came in handy from time to time.

But after I had fallen for Natsuki, it became quite a big trouble. Because every time I tried looking for her, about a dozen girls would follow me and question me about what I was doing.

But then , when I least expected it, a unique chance showed itself.

I managed to take a detour through the garden to avoid my squealing mass of fans. And there she was. I only saw her from behind, but I immediately recognized her. Her dark raven hair moving slightly in the wind. The blossom petals where falling around her. And she was surrounded by hundreds of flowers. It was the most beautiful, breath taking sight I had ever seen.

Except… the way she was standing. There was something bothering her. "_Something was bothering my Natsuki"_ I had to do something. I saw her hand close around a flower. She was going to crush it. This would probably be my only chance to speak to her. It was in that beautiful flower garden that I spoke my first words to her.

"You shouldn't do that"

_Natsuki. Natsuki I love you._

And the rest is history.

I had done everything in my might to keep her safe. To make sure no one would harm her. And assist her in any way possible. I even became the kaichou for her so she had more access to the school network. And then I noticed something that made my heart flutter. she was opening up to me, trusting me. She still kept her distance, but she was trusting me now. It was a wonderful moment when I had realized that. And the days, weeks, that followed where just as wonderful. She visited me almost daily now. Mostly for my computer, but also for talking to me. Even asking advice from time to time.

And then Nao ruined it all. By the time I found out what happened and where she had taken Natsuki she had already been hurting her. Torturing her. I almost panicked then. I never felt so much emotions in my whole life. The endless drumming drove me to the verge of sanity.

_Natsuki. Natsuki I love you._

She had to be saved, I had to save her. I would pay Nao back for hurting my love. I would make her feel it in every vine of her body. But first I had to think of a way to save Natsuki. And so I did, I completely crushed her, humiliated her. But I didn't care at the moment. Natsuki was safe. Even through then she knew I had the same kind of power she did.

I sighed, that had been the beginning of this endless torture. I made so many mistakes. And my life was in pieces now. Not only was Natsuki avoiding me. The whole school was it seemed. After the carnival both Haruka and Nao couldn't resist to tell about my "Deeds". About my killing rampage and my love for Natsuki that is. And well, most people didn't take that very lightly. So my fan club had been disbanded. Liking me, or being a fan of me, had become something to be ashamed of. And most people where looking at me disapprovingly, making fun of me, whispering behind my back, I heard it all. But I didn't care, all I wanted was Natsuki back.

_Natsuki. Natsuki I love you._

The only person who didn't hate me for what I had done was, surprisingly, Yukino. She was always trying to stop Haruka when she was telling a random crowd about my evil "Sins". and telling me how sorry she was afterward. Smiling at me and asking about my day. I didn't really care through. Even though she was being nice, the girl never meant much to me. Even though I did feel a little sorry for her. Seeing her to trying so hard in a attempt to make me happy. Which was failing miserably.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, disturbing me from my train of thoughts. "Come in" I answered as I put my mask back into place. Trying to prepare for the conversation that would come next.

The door opened and a cautious looking Mai came walking in. Oh, I felt hate boiling up in me. But instead of showing it I smiled "Good day Mai, what can I do for you?" I said in the nicest voice I could manage at the moment. "Hello, Shizuru" she mumbled. She seemed pretty uncomfortable, but who wasn't when in my presence these days? "I uh… spoke with Natsuki just now, and she said that you wanted to meet with her tonight… I.. so I'm sorry that she already had plans with me, and I was wondering… if you would like to…. Join us tonight?" She added a weak smile.

This was one of the moments I truly missed that my powers where gone, because I would have loved to slice that smile from her face, it sickened me so much. Was she actually feeling pity for me? I hoped I could get her back for this once. But for now ,I just simply said "Oh no, don't feel bothered, I just wanted to show her something, but it is not that important. And I could always ask her some other time right?" I smiled.

"Oh… well okay then" she mumbled nervously " I'll see you around then" she turned around and started walking to the door. That went rather easy. But as she almost reached the door she suddenly turned around. Looking straight at me she spoke "Listen Shizuru, if there is something you want to talk about, please tell me. I know your having a… hard time right now. With all those people talking and Natsuki and stuff. But maybe I can help you with Natsuki? I can talk about you with her if you want, maybe she'll feel more at ease then"

Okay, that did it. I was defiantly going to get her back for this one day. I felt so much anger boiling up now that I could barely contain it. Mai must have seen it to because she looked very frightened and took a step away from me.

But just as I thought I would do something to her I managed to get my control back. Putting a smile on my face I answered "No, that won't be necessary. I am fine, thank you. Now If you would excuse me, I have some matters I should take care off" And with that I started skimming through some paperwork on my desk. Mai just stared at me. And then she quickly muttered a "Good bye" and walked out of my room, almost slamming the door behind her. I was alone again. I felt tears starting to form in my eyes. I got up and locked the door. I dragged myself back and sat down in front of my desk. Pulling my knees up, and wrapping my arms around them, I started to cry.

The drumming in my head was getting worse.

_Natsuki. Natsuki I love you._

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Shizuru smiled as she felt the hot tears slide down her cheeks, the memories still hurt her daily. But she would never forget them. They would haunt her until her death. She was sure of it. Taking another sip of her tea she looked outside. She noticed It was raining. And the sun had almost set now.

Picking up her tea cup she walked to the window. The rain was becoming heavier with the minute, she could barely see the back of the garden now. As she was staring at the rain, lost in her tangled thoughts and memories she suddenly heard a cracking noise behind her. Quickly turning around, she dropped her tea cup in surprise.

There, halfway down the stairs Natsuki stood, looking furiously at one of the stairs steps. And one leg hovering above the step.

At the sound of the cup falling she looked up. Staring directly into Shizuru's eyes.

"Uh…Good evening Shizuru….. your stairs squeak"

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An: did you notice my chapters getting longer every time? But this one is realllyyyy long… for me..... but that is because I love writing about Shizuru, especially her thoughts. I think I made her a little… emo? But I like her this way. I just feel like snuggling up to her and hold her forever when she is like this.

Also I am fairly pleased with this chapter, I think it is written better. The beginning of the last chapter was a little… less. To simple maybe.

And some people said my last chapter was to short…. I hope this one is okay^^

And sorry for the people who hoped Shizuru wouldn't be a killer…. This is not a happy go lucky fic :P

I also think I have thought out the plot now(yeah for me!) and have Ideas of other stories.

Well tell me what you think about this chapter^^


	4. My sealed fate

Chapter 4 – My sealed fate.

"Your stairs squeak"

For a very long moment the both of them where just standing there. Not moving a muscle. But just staring intensely at each other.

There was a inner turmoil visible in both their eyes. Both saw their joined past flash before their eyes. And both didn't really know what to do next. Until Shizuru regained movement. She smiled and started to walk across the room. Which suddenly seemed very big to the both of them. To Natsuki in particular. It seemed like an eternity before Shizuru reached her. Now, about a thousand cop instincts should be kicking in. But they weren't , she could only wait and see how Shizuru finally reached her and held out her hand towards Natsuki.

Natsuki suddenly noticed her own hand reaching out to met the one of Shizuru. She had lost any control of what she was doing. It was Shizuru's overwhelming presence that made her own mind lose its will and follow the one of Shizuru blindly. Their hands stopped moving an inch from each other. Looking up at each other their eyes locked. This was their first proper meeting in ten years. Shizuru blinked, closed her eyes, and broke the distance between their hands, grabbing Natsuki's gently.

"Welcome back my dear"

" Th- Thank you"

Still holding her hand, Shizuru guided Natsuki to the couch near the windows. And motioned her to sit down and then sat beside her. Natsuki woke up from her trance like state and no started to feel a little uncomfortable. "What was she doing?" flashed through her mind "She should be arresting the girl , not follow her like a blind sheep. The girl could be a _murderer." _ Looking outside she noticed the weather was getting worse, it wouldn't be a surprise if thunder would kick in soon. She sighed, this was so confusing. In frustration. Grabbing a pillow and hugging it tight to her chest, she sighed harder in frustration. She didn't know what to do, or what to think of this situation. Tears started to form in her eyes. She felt miserable.

Shizuru noticed the chance in Natsuki's behavior. She was surprised as she saw the tears in Natsuki's eyes. "I have to do something, she feels bad because of me.." after hesitating for a short moment she moved closer too Natsuki and started to gently rub her back.

"Shhhh, it's alright" she whispered "Your safe, no one will hurt you" she added. Natsuki looked up. "You did it right? You killed all those girl, and…. Mai" Natsuki said and stared intensely at the crimson eyed girl. "Tell me the truth, please"

Shizuru was in doubt for a moment. Should she tell the truth? She didn't want to Natsuki hate her. Especially after she got this far. But it would be better to be honest with the girl once and for all. Looking at Natsuki, she saw that deep inside, the girl already knew the answer.

"I must be truly evil right?"

"Yes, yes you are"

Yes, that much was true. But then why didn't she despised Shizuru for it. Why wasn't she arresting the girl, she just confessed a crime, and not a small one either… And _why_, even though she didn't want to admit it, was she enjoying the fact that Shizuru's hand was still stroking her back.

"Why?" she said barley hearable. And moved a little closer to Shizuru.

Shizuru noticed her movement and decided to push her chances. She shifted a little and wrapped her arms around Natsuki's waist pulling her closer so that the girl was now lying against her. Natsuki obeyed willingly and relaxed.

"It was because of you, my love"

"Because of me?"

"Yes"

"Why?"

"…"

"Why?"

"I won't tell"

"Why not!?"

"I… don't want to make you feel uncomfortable"

"Oh"

Natsuki shivered, she didn't even want to think about how Shizuru ended the life of those girls. A scary image of Shizuru slicing through the air with her former element flashed through her mind. Natsuki had always thought that a naginata was scary. But it was even more freighting in the hands of Shizuru.

"Ne Shizuru?"

"Hmm?"

"Uh, you haven't told me where we are"

"Oh how silly off me. We are in my house"

"Your HOUSE!? Shizuru do you know how big this place is? Did you count the doors? This place is HUGE! And it is your house!?"

"I am well aware that this place it 'Huge' and the house has 136 doors, the doors in the garden not counted of course"

'"Bu-but you live here on your own? How can you afford all this?"

"I don't want to trouble you with my own finances, but I could tell you how I ended up with this place. Because, actually this house used to be from my parents. And they ,and the family that came before them, build up a giant business company. I cannot guarantee you they got all the money fair and square. But they did work hard for it. And unfortunately, my parents passed away when I was 12, and since I was their only child, I inherited everything they owed, including the house"

While Shizuru was talking Natsuki's jaw had dropped to far below her knees. "I never knew all this about her" she thought. "Her parents died?"

" Shizuru" she muttered "I'm sorry, I should have known all this, or at least about your parents-"

"No it's not your fault Natsuki" Shizuru's voice sounded emotionless.

"I never intended to tell you all this, it's not something I am proud off.

"But you had always anything you could possibly want in this _castle_ of yours"

"Except you…"

"Huh?" Natsuki was clueless

"It's true what you say, I have always had anything I wanted… except for you that it."

"Oh… right"

Natsuki didn't know what to say anymore. She suddenly felt extremely guilty. This was all her fault. If she just could have loved Shizuru, or at least treated her better in the past she would probably never have done all these horrible things. And most important of all, Shizuru would have never felt so miserable. She had already sunken this low. Her mind could only think about Shizuru. Nothing else mattered. But that was wrong right?

Oh, what was she supposed to do. It was already so very wrong just to lie here. Lying in the hands of a killer. But she felt so relaxed and almost sleepy. She had never felt this before when she was with Shizuru. Maybe she just hadn't taken the time back then to find out how good this felt.

Natsuki was desperately trying to listen to the small, far away voice in her head that was telling her how this was so wrong on so many levels. But she just couldn't. She was already too far gone to return. And as she listened to Shizuru's breath she slowly succumbed into a deep sleep.

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It was our graduation day. Or at least for Natsuki and I, and all our other classmates. Everyone(including me) was now celebrating. Shizuru, Haruka and all the others that had left school last year had returned for our party. And all our other friends of the lower grades had gathered as well.

We had rented a karaoke room with all sorts of extras. I could see Natsuki and Nao having a very intense looking discussion, but as I looked better I saw them both holding some very strong alcoholic drink. And they were probably just arguing which one tasted better. And there was Midori(who had finally found a decent job now) who was forcing Haruka and Yukino to sing some cheesy love song. But they didn't seem to mind it that much. And then there where Aoi and Chie who were filming the whole party. For the rest Shiho, Tate, Reito, Miyu and Alyssa where busy playing a video game. Everyone seemed to be having fun.

Except for one person that is. Shizuru Fujino was sitting alone in a corner quietly sipping tea, and she looked rather unhappy. I feared her a little. And even more after I went to the student council room once to help her and she showed a glimpse of her true nature. But still, I could only imagine how horrible she must be feeling. The poor girl, being so left alone by the person she loved with her whole being. I think that her love was not a normal one, I think it had become more of a _need _ to be with Natsuki. An obsession. And without the girl, Shizuru just couldn't live anymore. So Shizuru must be dying inside now. Natsuki avoided her and if she had to speak to the girl she was cold. I had tried everything I could to get Natsuki to behave normal to Shizuru again, but the girl was just beyond reason.

I told Mikoto to go and play with the others and I walked towards Shizuru, I wanted to try and help her one final time, before Natsuki would disappear from her live forever. "Good evening Fujino-san, mind if I sit next to you?" She looked up. "Of course not, sit down" Her eyes told different, she wanted me to leave her alone. I shivered, but I still sat down. I decided to get straight to the point.

"Listen Shizuru, I know how hard this is for you, so please let me help you. I know that this is not what Natsuki truly wants. But you know most of all how stubborn she is, so please" I finished in one breath. She looked at me, and I saw in her eyes that my attempt had been futile. "I believe I already told you this Mai-san, but I am doing fine. I of course regret that Natsuki and I see each other barley anymore, but we have simply grown apart thanks to our busy lives" All lies. I saw it, it was written all over her face. I could only see pain and torment in her eyes. I almost hated Natsuki for that.

"Now, Mai-san If we are done talking" She stood up "Please excuse me but I have some matters I should take care of" And with that she walked out of the karaoke room.

Okay, that did it. I almost ran over to Natsuki. "You! How could you do this to her" I yelled at her. She looked confused, I noticed het glass was empty. She must be pretty intoxicated now. "What are you talking about" She mumbled. "She is talking about your psycho friend, or maybe ex friend would fit better now" Nao grinned. "That's it, Natsuki your coming with me" I grabbed her arm and dragged her after me. "Whoa, chill Mai it's okay Shizuru doesn't mind, she said herself" Natsuki mumbled quite drunk. "I can't believe you sometimes Natsuki" I said and dragged her into the hallway out of the building. Looking around I saw Shizuru leaning against a tree not far away. I walked towards her, still holding Natsuki's arm. "No Mai, please I don't want to" I heard her whisper. She sounded anxious.

"Shizuru" I yelled as I reached her. She looked up, her face was wet, she had been crying. "Listen you two, this is insane. Natsuki your horrible, treating someone who loves you so much so worse. And Shizuru don't pretend everything is alright, it won't get any better by doing nothing" I looked at the both of them, they didn't look quite happy with me.

"Mai-san. How many times do I have to repeat myself? There is nothing going on, if Natsuki wishes not to see me anymore it is fine with me"

"You see Mai? She doesn't care" Natsuki turned around and wanted to walk back.

"But I do care"

"Huh?" She turned back.

I looked at Shizuru, something had changed in her demeanor. She looked more broken than ever.

"I do care about what you think, you mean the world to me Natsuki. But if you truly wish to never see me again I will respect that wish. Even though it breaks my, no tears my heart apart I will leave you alone But I don't think I can live very long without seeing Natsuki" She was crying again and looked very scared.

Natsuki was just staring at Shizuru, who in turn wrapped her arms around her chest and was trying everything in her might not to fall apart.

"You see Natsuki?" I started carefully "She does care, so could you two please just try and talk"

Natsuki suddenly blinked and turned to me, she didn't look pleased. "MAI!" She growled. "WHY! Why did you have to do this!? You Just _had _to stir everything up again! Do you like that or something? Everything was going fine until _you_ started messing with it!

Oh god, she blamed me now. "But I…" I started.

"NO! I don't want to hear lame excuses!" Natsuki yelled before I could think what to say. "Have you ever thought of my opinion? I _hate _what Shizuru is doing, I _hate her. _She drives me crazy, and she doesn't stop stalking me. I WISH SHE JUST DISSAPEARED!"

Natsuki looked shocked by her own words. "_Shizuru_" She whispered. She glared at me. I had ruined it now. For the both of them. "I never want to see you again Mai" She hissed. And with one last short glance at Shizuru she walked away. Out of my live.

After she had disappeared from my sight I looked at Shizuru, and I was horrified. She looked at me without any emotion in my eyes. Like every emotion had drained from her soul. She had broken completely now.

"Mai" She whispered with a empty, hollow voice. "I promise you" She tried to smile, but it looked like some wicked horror movie smile. "I promise you, that someday I'll make you feel the pain that you made me feel"

She spoke the truth I knew it. I messed up. I Crushed her last bit of hope. She was never going to forget this. My fate had been sealed. She was pulling the strings of my life now.

Suddenly she simply turned around and walked away from the path and into the dark forest.

I never saw her or Natsuki again, I tried to find Natsuki, but she never told me where she went after school. So she was untraceable for me.

And as the years passed I moved on with my life, and it was quite nice. I almost started to think that I imaged it all. And that I would never see Shizuru again.

Oh, how very wrong was I to think that. For she was the last thing I saw as I closed my eyes for the last time.

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Well…. What do you think? I'm not sure it's good enough. I hope it all makes sense. And I was late with updating, but I wasn't feeling good. Don't you guys feel sorry for Shizuru(and a little for Mai!)

Well. Please review^^

**Omake: **(from my first chapter)

Natsuki*sitting next to Mai's body* Shizuru… did you kill Mai?"

Shizuru: *Smiles* Yes, I am afraid I did.

Natsuki: *Feels pulse* Nope, you didn't she's just unconscious.

Shizuru: … *Materializes Naginata* I am _never _wrong.

Mai: 0.o


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – A child's life

Natsuki slowly became aware of her surroundings as she was waking up. Looking around she saw she was in a bedroom again. A different one than the last time. She stepped out of the bed and noticed she was only wearing underwear. She blushed, she could only imagine the fun Shizuru must have had while undressing her. And was the woman seriously expecting her to meet her like this? Looking around she was relieved to see a pile of clothes. But as she looked closer she wasn't exactly pleased. It was a tight looking black dress. One like Shizuru had been wearing, but decorated with dark blue instead of purple. Natsuki sighed. Well everything was better than walking around in a bra.

After a few failing attempts she finally got the dress on the right way. Looking in a mirror she groaned. This was _so _not her style. And Shizuru got her way as usual. A little angry, Natsuki exited her room. She was in a giant hall again. It still amazed Natsuki how big it was here. This place was like a hotel. Trying some of the doors she was surprised to find out that the doors weren't locked this time. She entered the first one, another bedroom, only this one had nothing but a bed inside. Shizuru sure didn't put much work in decorating this one. But of course, since there where probably more than a hundred rooms Natsuki couldn't blame her.

She exited the room and decided to try a door on the opposite of the hall. Entering the room she saw that this room was given much more attention. It was some kind of launch… Fujino style of course. It was filled with couches and tables. Almost cozy. And on a few of the tables where some books and newspapers. Walking over to a table she grabbed a newspaper. She gasped, this newspaper dated from sixteen years ago, no one cleaned up the room for such a long time? Natsuki realized something. "Sixteen years? Shizuru must have been around…. Twelve?" Her eyes grew wide, that had been when Shizuru's parents died. The poor girl, left alone in this big mansion all by herself at such a young age. No wonder she didn't chance much in the rooms.

Natsuki exited the room again. Looking for a next door something caught her eye. Not far away was a pink door with the words _Shizuru Fujino _written in wooden colorful letters. Curiosity got the best of her and she entered the room. And she was astounded with what she saw. She had entered some kind of child heaven. She was surrounded by all sorts of child toys. The most expensive looking dolls where sitting in their own closet, a big wooden desk was filled with all kinds of figures, there where all sorts of paintings and posters on the wall and the bed was filled with stuffed animals. It looked like it came right out of a expensive fashion magazine for child rooms to Natsuki.

She walked over to the desk and noticed four framed pictures in the corner. Two of them where of a grown man and woman. Shizuru's parents. She resembled the both of them a lot. Or at least from the outside. Her parents looked rather cold and quite the opposite of Shizuru's usual playful character. The other picture, which was in the middle of the last two, was a picture of a very young Shizuru, her hair was a lot shorter but for the rest she hadn't changed a bit. She had the same expression and facial features of the Shizuru Natsuki knew so well. She was smiling but Natsuki saw it didn't reach her eyes. The girl couldn't be older than ten at the most but she had already perfected her mask.

The last picture wasn't a photo but a drawing. A drawing of a purple snake that twirled around a arm. "_Kiyo_" was written in a better handwriting than Natsuki had now. It was such a childish drawing but it already had the grace that Shizuru possessed.

Then Natsuki noticed something else. A small black book was stuffed in a corner beneath a pile of papers. She picked it up and looked at the first page. "_Shizuru fujino's diary_" was written in the same beautiful drawing as in the drawing. Natsuki was in doubt for a moment. Should she read on? It was private but come on, it was probably over sixteen years old. The chance was big that Shizuru didn't even remember writing all this. Again curiosity got the best of Natsuki and she started reading.

" _22 December, _

_I decided to make my own diary. Starting today. Because I think I should write about how I feel and why. So if I feel bad again I can read here how to make it stop and feel happy again. I don't want to feel bad so much anymore. I'll start writing about my life now._

_I turned nine three days ago. And my parents invited my whole class over to our house. And they hired entertainers and clowns and animals and stuff. My class mates seemed to have a lot of fun. And they all gave me presents. But I didn't really feel happy. Because I think they didn't really come for me. I think they only came because they like my house and for the fun and the food. But when I told that to my parents they got angry and said I shouldn't be so selfish and make sure my guests had a good time. So I did, but I don't think they really cared. They were just running all over the house and watching the entertainers. And didn't really talk to me. But I am glad they had a good time. They all spoke about it the next day in school. But they didn't speak to me about it._

_And there were a few boys who laughed at my dolls. Boys are always so childish. They seem to only like yelling and fighting with each other. __And they lack any form of manners. I hope that chances when they grow up. Because I don't think I can marry such annoying wild animals. And I hated them for laughing at my dolls. I wanted them to be gone. I got really angry at them and it scared them so much they ran away. I locked the door to my room and cried on my bed. I cried on my birthday… That is really bad. I am glad my parents didn't seem me because I think they would have gotten angry at me. They say I shouldn't let other people affect my emotions and don't show my real emotions to other people. But that is really hard. They also say I always should be polite and nice to everyone even if I hate the person and that everyone likes me if I do that. _

_But they don't. I know they only talk to me because they like my house and my toys. I know that because if I don't bring anything new to school or if I don't invite someone over, no one will sit next to me or bothers to talk to me. I feel really alone when they do that. I wish I had a friend. Someone that would do nice things with me, like going to the forest, and play games with me, and tell me their secrets and I could hug if one of us was sad. And not only come with me for my house f because my parents want to take me on some expensive trip. I told my parents that, but they said that I shouldn't complain and that I had lots of friends. But then why do I feel alone? I don't want to feel alone anymore."_

Shizuru had stopped writing there. This had only been her first entry but it was already so sad and full of emotion. Natsuki had tears in her eyes. At such a young age Shizuru had already such a hard time. Without any people that cared for her happiness and being forced to act like a adult.

She also had been very smart as she noticed peoples real emotions. And that her classmates only cared for her parents money and her house. Her parents were no good either Natsuki decided. From what she had read she could make out her parents treated her in a very cold way and expected a lot from her at a very young age.

Natsuki grinned, Shizuru's natural distaste for boy's had already been very clear at this age as well.

Natsuki skimmed through the small book and noticed that it wasn't completely filled. The last pages where empty. She decided to read the last entry written.

" _18 December,_

_Tomorrow is my birthday, I'll become ten. My parents say that I'll have to start becoming a adult then. But I am not sure if I really want that._

_I hope my birthday will be nice because I haven't been feeling very well a lot lately. And it keeps getting worse. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me. Because sometimes when others are being bad to me I just want to hurt them really hard, and I'd wish they were dead. But those things are bad and are something I shouldn't think. And if I am angry at someone they become really scared. They say it is the way I look at them. And they are whispering all kind of things behind my back. That I am evil and that I am crazy. But I am not. I know that. _

_And a while ago I saw a movie about a killer, and everyone in the movie hated him and wanted to punish him for what he did. But I understood why he did those things and I felt sorry for him that no one understood him and hated him. Does that mean I am a killer? I don't want to be a killer._

_I didn't tell those things to my parents because I don't want them to think I am crazy__ too. And I think they would get angry at me for thinking such things. _

_There is also something else I didn't tell my parents. Something really important After the summer vacation ended my class got a new teacher. And she is really nice to me. She helps me when there is something wrong. And sometimes I stay after school and she listens to my stories. And she really seems to mind it when I feel bad. I think she really cares about me. And I…. I think I am in love with her. I know it is a really bad thing to do and stuff, but I just can't make it stop. I just feel really happy when I'm with her and when she helps me. I know nine(almost ten!) is way too young to really love someone. But I still feel it. I wanted to tell it to my parents. But they once said that it is really bad to love someone of the same gender. And that people who do it are either faking it to get attention or are really sick. I am not faking it, but I don't feel sick either. It confuses me so much._

_But for now, I'll just let these things rest and things about happy things. Like my birthday. And I just remembered that in four days it is exactly a year ago I started writing in this book. I'll make sure to write something really special then."_

And that was the last thing written in the black book. Natsuki didn't understand. Why did she stop writing so suddenly? She seemed really devoted to it. And it was still two years before her parents would die.

The poor girl, struggling with her emotions so much. She probably thought she was going crazy because she was so alone. And because there was no one she could really talk to. It seemed that over the years it had really affected her. And when she finally found someone who seemed to care about her, she just grabbed it with both hands and hold onto it with her life. She must have been struggling a lot.

"Na-tsu-ki"

Hearing her name, Natsuki turned around and was just in time to see Shizuru close the door behind her and walk in her direction.

"Do you like my old room Natsuki?"

"N-No! I –I mean… Yes! I mean, I was just looking and.." In panic she dropped the diary she was still holding. Shizuru smiled, she walked to Natsuki and stepped behind the girl.

"Don't worry" She whispered. "I don't mind you looking through my stuff" she rested her head against the back of Natsuki. "Because" She continued. "You belong to me as well" She wrapped her arms around Natsuki's waist. And pressed her own body against that one of the girl.

"Whoa.. Shi-Shizuru. What are you..-" but she was silenced as she felt Shizuru tighten her grip. They stayed like this for what seemed like a eternity. Until Natsuki decided to break the comfortable silence.

"Why did you stop writing?" She felt Shizuru stiffen.

"What?"

"You know what I am talking about. You saw me dropping your diary right? You suddenly stopped writing in it, and you seemed very devoted to writing, what happened?"

"Ah…. I think the answer it in the diary in my _other old _room."

"You had two rooms? Why?"

"Well… you see, my parents thought it was really important to have me grew up the right way. Or at least the way they thought was right. And as I reached the age of ten they decided that I should leave my childish behavior behind and started to learn how to behave proper. And on the evening of the day I had turned ten, they locked the door to my room forever, and forced me to move into a other room. One without all my belongings. An-and it didn't matter how much I begged them, they never let me back in, saying that I should behave as a adult now"

By the time Shizuru finished talking she was shivering all over her body. Natsuki started to feel anger build up inside her.

"Oh Shizuru" She whispered "How could they do such a awful thing to you, making you leave everything behind. Did they lack any form of feeling or something?"

"They weren't exactly warm to me, but they always made sure I had everything I needed, as long as it fitted in the image that was expected of me of course"

Suddenly it became too much for Natsuki. Tears formed in her eyes. All Shizuru ever wanted was someone she could trust. And even through Shizuru had placed all her trust in her, Natsuki had neglected and betrayed the girl over and over again. And still, Shizuru was prepared to give anything for the girl. She started to cry now.

"Why can't you just hate me?"

"Hate you?"

"Yes, I have been such a monster to you, why don't you just hate me for what I did?"

Oh, my Natsuki I wish it was that easy. That I could simply hate you and move on with my life"

She started to gently stroke Natsuki's stomach. "But I can't and never will. Because I simply cannot live without you anymore. From the first moment I laid my eyes on you my heart started to beat for you. And without you I am forever in pain. It is a unbearable punishment for me yes, but I wouldn't want it any other way. Because if there is something I can do, even the smallest thing, to make you happy it is worth all the pain in the world"

This was just too much for Natsuki "Idiot!" she yelled and turned around so she was facing the crimson eyed girl. Natsuki grabbed the surprised girl roughly by the shoulders and started to tremble. "Hate me! Please…. Hate me…" she pleaded as she started crying again. "I deserve it" She felt her legs give in and she collapsed.

Natsuki barely noticed it as she was grabbed just before she hit the ground. Shizuru carried her to the bed of her younger self and gently placed Natsuki in the bed and pulled the blankets over her. Right before Natsuki completely succumbed into unconscious she could feel Shizuru crawl next to her. Some alarm bells went of deep inside her head but Shizuru's overwhelming presence made them fade away quickly. She moved a little closer to Shizuru and felt the woman wrap her arms around her. Natsuki finally felt herself relax after so much stress. Shizuru's voice said something but her mind barley registered it. "You where meant for me Natsuki" the girl whispered as she her grip a little.

"But I think as my punishment"

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Natsuki slowly became aware of her surroundings. She was staring at a ceiling. It took her a while before she realized where she was and what happened. She quickly looked to her side and found Shizuru next to her sleeping peacefully. She smiled, the girl seemed finally at ease now, and she herself was also feeling a lot better. As she was trying to get up Natsuki noticed that the arms of Shizuru where still wrapped around her in some sort of death grip. She groaned softly and started to carefully untangle the arms.

After she finally managed to break free Natsuki shoved to the side of the bed and flipped her legs over the edge. looking out of the window Natsuki noticed it was dark outside. She realized she had no idea how long she had been in Shizuru's mansion. A day? Maybe even two? Suddenly she felt her stomach realize the same she just had and immediately she started to feel extremely hungry. Natsuki got up from the bed. And after a last glance at Shizuru to make sure she was sound asleep she exited the room and started to look for a kitchen. Praying that she would find the room she just left back.

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*cough* …. This took long…. Longest chapter ever(yes I count the words) I hope it is as good as the rest because I have been feeling crappy the last 3 days. By the way, did you notice how much the words She (He if males are involved ghe ghe….) and And are used? It looks and reads stupid so I tried to leave as much out without ruining the sentence. But sometimes it is just impossible. Oh well.. who caresXD I hope you guys liked it^^ please leave a review, I like those~

Omake:

Natsuki noticed a small black book stuffed in a corner of the desk. She picked it up and was gasped in horror.

"_Death note" _Was written on it.

"Fufufu" she heard behind her.

"Now that Natsuki has discovered another secret of mine she probably should be a lot nicer of mine or else the words _Natsuki Kuga. Cause: Rape by Shizuru Fujino _Will appear in that little book your holding"

"No, Shizuru…. You wouldn't… right?"

"Natsuki is sometimes such a naïf person"

Okay… sounded better in my head. And I forgot most of the death note rules… XD

Btw… I see Shizuru _totally _do thatXD or at least when she has lost it completely.


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